God's Concept Of Marriage

There are always two concepts or views to every issue of life — God's and man's. And the two are always ever contrary to each other. The individual is expected to choose whether to accept God's concept or man's concept. God's concept will always bring fulfillment when followed, while man's concept will lead to a disastrous end.

This assertion is true of marriage, too. God's ways and thoughts are higher than man's; and His perceptions are perfect. It is by accepting and walking by God's own concept that one can find fulfillment in life. What is God's concept of marriage?

Marriage Is Good

God's concept about marriage is that it is GOOD and it is to be enjoyed. This concept is contrary to man's claims on marriage. Some people say "Marriage is a necessary evil." Others introduce a state of irony into this holy institution. They contend that the married are looking for a way of escape, while the unmarried are eager to get into it. This assertion is borne out of man's philosophy and the experience of those who have not found fulfilment in marriage. But neither philosophy nor experience is the truth; God's Word is.

God instituted marriage. After He finished His work, He "...saw everything that He had made, and, behold it was very good"( Genesis. 1:31). God is good and nothing less than good proceeds from Him. If marriage is evil, God would not have initiated it.

Many people believe the ideas of men more than the Word of God; and it is a spiritual law that what you believe affects what you experience. It is a spiritual law that it shall be unto you, according to your faith. The fact that some people experience problems, defeat and failure in marriage does not mean that everybody else is having similar experiences. No experience is as strong as the Word of God; rather, all experiences should be judged in the light of the Word. Any experience that is contrary to the Word of God should be thrown away.

A woman once came to my husband for counselling. She began by making a sweeping statement that every home has its own peculiar problem. My husband had to cut in to correct her and point out that there are exceptions. Having problems in the home is not the rule. That you are sick, for instance, does not mean that everybody else is sick. God intends that believers' homes be a heaven on earth, where they can enjoy the Kingdom of God and the abundance it has to offer.

Buttressing the fact that marriage is good, Paul says, "Marriage is honourable in all..." (Hebrews 13:4). If marriage is evil, it cannot at the same time be honourable. Since it is honourable, it cannot be evil. James also says that,

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.
James 1:17

Since marriage was instituted by God, and God is from above, marriage therefore comes from above, and cannot be less than good. Marriage is not only good, it is perfect.

Scripturally, marriage is good. It is the use to which some put it that paints a deceptive picture of evil. Whatever man's concept you have heard about marriage, put it aside and believe what the Bible says about marriage, because this is the only authentic view. Ever before I got married, I already discovered and accepted God's concept of marriage, at the expense of man's concept, which has captured many men; and it is working for me. To the glory of God, I am not only enjoying the goodness in marriage, I am also moving towards the perfection in it. You can enjoy it also, because the same God is rich unto all and He is no respecter of persons!

Marriage Involves Leaving

In God's concept of marriage, both the man and the woman involved must be ready to leave their parents and relatives.

For this cause shall a man LEAVE his father and mother, and cleave to his wife.
Mark 10:7

The couple must be ready to detach themselves from parents and relatives. After marriage, you are not expected to be tied to the strings of your parents' aprons any longer. You must be able to gain and operate some degree of independence from your parents. You must be able to take some decisions by yourself and accept responsibility over your life and that of your spouse.

After marriage, you don't have to accept every counsel and instruction from parents and relations. All must be carefully weighed under the light of the Word and in the interest of your home. In case they are contrary to God's Word you are not obliged to follow them.

Some parents usually find it difficult to let go of their children. Some couples find it easy to report everything that happens in their homes to their parents and relations. This is a sign that such individuals have not followed God's laid down principle of leaving. This is the raison d'etre for the troubles in many homes today.

A woman once walked into my office for counselling. She said each time any of her husband's relations writes or visits them, the man was always quarrelling with her. Sometimes, the relationship will degenerate so low that the man will refuse to eat any food prepared by her. This is a clear proof that the man is still being remotely controlled by his relations. He puts at a premium the interest of his people over and above that of his own family. This is contrary to God's idea of marriage. If a couple can gain parental independence, then it will be easy to be free from the apron strings of relations.

Majority of the problems in homes today can be linked directly or indirectly to this issue. Divorce is on the increase in Christendom, because the people of God have forsaken the instruction of God to the couple to "leave father and mother." There is no way to enjoy fulfilment in marriage without first leaving father and mother. This does not mean to abandon parents and have nothing to do with them any longer. Remember you are still expected to fulfil your roles as children to parents by caring for them. However, you must accept responsibility over your decisions and that of your spouse.

Marriage Involves Cleaving

For a marriage to be complete, a couple must not only leave father and mother, but also cleave to each other.

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall CLEAVE unto his wife...
Genesis 2:24

Each partner will leave parents to cleave to the other. "To cleave" means to be `joined to.' When you compare Genesis 2:24 to Ephesians 5:31 `Cleave' is replaced with `joined.'

The extent to which a couple is joined together, will be dictated by the extent to which they have detached themselves from the apron strings of their parents. There must first be a leaving before there can be a cleaving. Without cleaving, the couple cannot receive maximum joy, and benefits in marriage. When you cleave to your spouse as the scriptures recommend, nothing will be able to come between both of you.

Two Alone Make A Home

In God's concept of marriage, two people alone make a home. "For this cause shall a man leave his father...and cleave to his wife" (Mark 10:7). A home is formed at the coming together of only two, not more. My darling husband says that when they are more than two, it becomes a house! I believe this is true.

This implies that the custom of polygamy is a slight on God's concept of marriage. God's original design is for a man and a woman to come together in holy matrimony. In Africa, a wife is often traditionally regarded as a glorified slave, while the husband is a `god' of some sort. Perhaps this is why some unbelieving men go for more than one wife. This may find justification in culture, but not in the Word of God. Pre-marital sex, pregnancy and childbirth before marriage is contrary to God's concept of marriage as well.

Two Become One

In God's concept of marriage, a man and a woman are to become one.

This is a heavenly arithmetic: Oneness of the couple spells unity. The force of unity is a powerful one. Even after creation, God "...called their name Adam..." (Genesis 5:2). It was Adam who called His wife Eve. This will tell you how important this oneness is. It has a lot of advantages if couples practise it.

This unity is supposed to affect all realms—spirit, soul and body. Spiritually, they should belong to the same spiritual kingdom. In the realm of the soul, they should be able to think and speak in one accord. Physically, they should be able to freely share their bodies together. These make for perfect union.

The importance of the concept of oneness in marriage cannot be over-emphasized. The Bible declares that it is good and pleasant for brethren to dwell together in unity (Ps.133:1). If it is good for brethren to dwell together in unity, it is certainly more so for a couple to be united. When unity exists between a couple, tremendous power is made available and the impossible becomes possible to them.

There is a fascinating story to this effect in Genesis 11:1-9. The people were one, and had one language. That means that they were united. They purposed to build a tower and a city that would reach heaven. Because of their oneness, even though it looked like an impossible task, God Himself acknowledged possibility.

And the Lord said, Behold, the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin to do: and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do.
Genesis 11:6

This is the force of unity at work. If a couple is truly merged in the spirit, soul and body, nothing will be impossible unto them. It is the original concept of God in marriage that couples enjoy the benefits of oneness. The concept of oneness teaches the believer so many lessons:- Firstly, if you are truly one with your spouse, you will treat him/her as yourself.

For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it... Ephesians 5:29

If you, for any reason, hate your spouse, it is a sign that you are not united with him/her. Whatever you cannot do to yourself, you will not do to your spouse. An understanding of this will chase away selfishness from homes. It will put an end to fightings and misunderstanding.

Secondly, the concept of oneness will make it easy for a husband and a wife to share their bodies freely with one another. It will also make it possible to derive a greater degree of pleasure from their physical union, which is their procreative power. If this concept is understood and followed, it will reduce the problems experienced in homes today.

A lady once said that man's procreative power is only meant for childbearing. She could not accept that it is also to be enjoyed. All efforts to make her understand and believe this proved abortive. Shortly afterwards, she discovered that her misconception and attitude had driven her husband to start flirting with other women. Give no place to the devil.

Thirdly, the concept of oneness teaches that divorce is not part of God's programme for the home. The husband in the home is likened to the head, while the wife is likened to the body. Even in the physical, you don't separate the head from the body, or else it will result in death. "...And they twain shall be one flesh..." (Matthew 19:5-6). God's concept is that you do not put asunder what has been joined together.

Jesus was teaching on the subject of divorce in Matthew 19:3-12. In verses 5-6, He particularly noted that no one should put asunder what God has joined together. That has an added implication that the couple should not put themselves asunder as well.

The pharisees were puzzled at Jesus' stand on the subject of divorce. They could not reconcile that teaching with what Moses said. So they asked Him to explain why Moses asked men to write a bill of divorcement, if they choose. His answer is revealing:

He said unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. Verse 8

There must be a recourse to the beginning to understand what the truth is. The truth as revealed by God is that couples should stay together, once pronounced married.

Apostle Paul who also taught on this subject, clearly establishes God's mind on divorce.

And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.
I Corinthians 7:10-11

Notice that this is a direct command from the Lord. This commandment stems from the fact that when God was designing marriage in the beginning, He did not consider divorce as an option. Paul employs some words—`if', `but'—to explain some grounds for divorce. These words in their meaning show that divorce is an exception, and every possible step must be taken to guard against it.

Are you for any reason considering divorce as an option right now? Hold it a bit! Do you know that anyone that has gone through divorce will tell you that it is not an interesting experience? Even when the wounds of divorce is healed, the scar remains as long as the individual concerned is alive. Therefore, why not believe God for a miracle? God can do it! He has done it for others.

There is a couple that got married some years ago. They were married for over 10 years, but there arose a problem in their home which resulted in a divorce. At that time, both of them were unbelievers, but God did a miraculous thing in their lives. After sometime, they both became Christians, and after being divorced for about five (5) years, they are now happily reunited. God is no respecter of persons. What He has done for them, He can do for you too. Believe God for a miracle! Yours will be the next testimony!

Maturity

In God's concept, marriage is for men and women, not for boys and girls.

"...the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man"
(Genesis. 2:22).

"Therefore shall a man...cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh"
(Genesis. 2:24).

Take particular note of these words `man' and `woman' in the above passages.

Maturity is required before marriage. One needs to be matured spiritually, physically and emotionally . However, maturity can be determined from two viewpoints: age and ability to handle life situations. These two put together, help in determining how matured an individual is. One that is mature for marriage should be able to assume responsibility for his/her actions, and take up the welfare of his/her spouse and children. If you are not mature enough to be a parent, then you are not mature enough for marriage. Adulthood is a basic requirement for success in marriage.

You will discover, therefore, that God's concept of marriage is quite different from man's concept. Everybody has a choice to make—whether to accept man's concept or God's. However, it should be noted that God, who is the sole designer of marriage, has the correct view. His view must be taken, if we desire reap the full reward of marriage.