THERE ARE THREE things we all need to sell ourselves:
Competence.
Likability/Charisma.
Integrity.
The first two will almost always deliver the third. But having competence and likability isn't enough. Most of us already have them. What's needed, and what this book will emphasize, is the audience's perception that you're competent and likable. It isn't about faking it, or fooling the audience. The con man and professional liar already know how to do it. They're the ones who helped the stand-up comic create the line “Sincerity: once you learn how
to fake it, you've got it made.” Real people like you and me need to learn some basic techniques that will let us be our real selves in the presentation situation. And therein lies the root of the problem: being ourselves. In 1977, there was a best-seller called The Book of Lists. In it, there was a category titled “The Fourteen Worst Human Fears.” Number one? “Speaking before a group.” “Death” was six.
Fear
Lack of familiarity with the formal speaking situation, discomfort, and the thought, “They're all looking at me and I'm going to make a fool of myself,” all conspire to cause us to take on a strange persona, to try to look and act professional. In a sense we become actors. Bad actors, but actors.
Get real
We make the very common mistake of feeling that an audience needs to see the strong, competent, mature professional, forgetting that that is what we really are. So we make the foolish decision to try to impress the audience, when the true reason for the communication is to express ourselves to them. Again, we're so eager to look like something we think we're supposed to look like that we change out of our real selves into a caricature. We become cartoon creatures.
There was a wonderful and defining moment that happened on one night watching a television news program. The reporter was inside police headquarters. The shot showed the reporter in the foreground speaking to the camera. Two officers were seated in the background. They were chatting behind the reporter, unaware that they were in the shot and that the tape was rolling. Their faces were animated. They were gesturing naturally. Suddenly they realized they were in the TV picture. That was it. They wiped their faces clean of all expression, put on a posed “mask” and stared straight ahead, necks taut, jaws tight, not having any idea of what to do next. In an instant they went from being real people to mannequins. They couldn't believe that the audience should see them as anything but serious police officers. They put on an act. They simply didn't know how to be natural, to be themselves. It's almost exactly what most of us do when we're getting ready for a picture-taking session. We chat. We converse. We have a pleasant time talking to the people around us until suddenly the photographer says, “Look over here. Hold it!” Almost everyone immediately stiffens up. After all, this is for posterity. We have to look good. So we change. We simply don't know how to stay relaxed and comfortable. We don't know how to be ourselves.
Relax
What's important is learning to appear natural in the unnatural speaking situation. When you learn and understand what you do in animated conversation, you can convert that into the platform delivery. Unfortunately, we have very few really good role models. Most of the speakers we see and hear today are doing what they've seen other bad presenters do and then they imitate them. “I have to look professional in order to impress the audience,” we think. Wrong.
Most of the people running for public office, most of the so-called “experts” and analysts we see on television, most teachers, most speakers we watch at meetings, and certainly most of the people we watch on televised hearings, do a better job of putting us to sleep than Sominex or Nytol. You don't have to be like them. You shouldn't try to be like them. This is about being yourself. You at your best.
Be yourself
You may not like the idea, but you might as well face the fact that style is, and always has been, at least as importance as substance, that likability is more important than competence. Teachers need
to learn this. Preachers need to learn this. Trial lawyers and their witnesses need to learn this. Ordinary people in every walk of life need to learn this. You and I need to learn this to be successful.
Be your likable self
If I perceive you to be competent, you are competent as far as I'm concerned. If I perceive you to be likable, you are. It's that simple.
Go back to the 1996 election. Bill Clinton wasn't scoring high on trustworthiness, but Bob Dole didn't display a single iota of likability. He needed an intravenous feeding of charisma. Consequently,
Clinton was elected. He really didn't win Dole lost. Sure, Dole got votes, but they were the votes of Orthodox Republicans and people who despised Clinton. The same principle was true in the two elections before that. Bill Clinton didn't win George Bush lost. Bush didn't win in 1988Michael Dukakis lost. Ronald Reagan won twice. Why? A vast majority of non-committed voters liked him. It's true and it's simple: We elect the person we like more, or dislike less.
Communicating competence and likability.
Selling yourself is just that. It’s the ability to let the audience— the person or people you’re talking to—see you as competent and likable. Again, if they don’t like you and find you less than competent, you haven’t got a chance. If they see you as competent and likable, your message gets across. When the candidate you don’t like and don’t consider capable tells you he’ll cut your taxes and give you more and better services, you think he’s either a liar or an ass. When the same pledge comes from the candidate you really like, who impresses you as knowledgeable, you’re ready to elect him emperor, new clothes or otherwise. We can learn a lot from watching our politicians. Issues and ideas are meaningless to an audience until and unless they’re presented in a likable, believable way. My hope is that someday we’ll have two likable candidates running for the same office. Only then will we be able to cut through the garbage and get the message they want us to hear.
How the public views you
One more concept I should emphasize here: There are three points of view possible in any audience.
• They can agree with you.
• They can disagree with you.
• They can be undecided.
Your job as a communicator is to reach out and win the undecided. When the political candidate understands this fact, winning is easier. When the trial lawyer gets it, the case is presented with a
better chance to convince the jury. When the salesman becomes aware of it, the sale has a better chance of closure.
Aim for the undecided
Don’t waste your time with the people on your side. They’re already yours. I’m not telling you to ignore them. I’m just saying
you’re wasting your time concentrating on them. They’re already committed unless you blunder badly. You’re preaching to the choir. Forget about trying to convince the people on the other side.
You’re not likely to make a convert with a good presentation. They’re already convinced that you’re wrong, or a crackpot, or worse. The only people who matter are the folks who haven’t made up their minds.
The undecided. And how do you win them? By presenting yourself as a competent and likable person. This, scripturally speaking was the difference between the gospel according to John the Baptist and Jesus Christ!. All you need to successfully make good success is to possess Winning Techniques for Selling Yourself...Your Ideas...Your Message. Nigerian youths need to look within rather carry certificates around. There are two kinds of youths: CV carrying youths and proposal presenting youths! Watch out for more in next edition!!
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